I wish i was in the wii world.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Randomize
