My first STD was from a foam party
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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