My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
