You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
