$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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