After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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