I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
