i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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