Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
