I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
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I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
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