Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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