dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Randomize
