i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
