I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
