If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
