I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
