Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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