Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
