Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
A bitchslap is in order.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
