it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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