just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
