Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.