I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
