I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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