don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
