I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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