I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Enjoy the penises
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
