just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks