I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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