Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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