If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
