Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
