hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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