All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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