I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i think i have two assholes
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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