your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
