i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
