some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize