The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
