Too much gin, very little bucket
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
