Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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