I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
