seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
it's like heaven, but drunker
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
