I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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