omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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