you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
