I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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