Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
