Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He better not be in your backpack
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
whose parrot is this?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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