I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
