I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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