Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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