she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
tell me about the eggs
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