Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
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