I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
