Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
