now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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