Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
