walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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