I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
