I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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